A genuine apology can help to heal a damaged or strained relationship, and restore a broken one. But it doesn’t end there. Here’s some advice to help us whenever we need to apologise:

1) Just saying ‘I’m sorry’ isn’t enough. It’s a good and necessary start, but a real apology that comes from the heart doesn’t end there. We need to be specific and confess what wrong we did. For example, saying, ‘I’m sorry you took it that way’ isn’t an apology; it’s actually an attack disguised as an apology that shifts the blame to the other person. But saying ‘I’m so sorry that what I said upset you’ acknowledges what we did and validates the wounded person’s hurt feelings.

2) We must take full responsibility for our behaviour. Without that, there’s no healing or reconciliation. ‘I was wrong to speak to you like that’ is honest, humble, concrete, and responsible. It helps the injured person see that the apology is genuine. Genuineness calms anger and encourages others to trust and accept our words.

3) We should offer to make amends wherever possible. Ask, ‘Is there anything I can do to make things better?’ Committing to do everything we can makes an apology heartfelt and sincere. James put it like this: ‘Tell each other what you have done. Then you can pray for one another and be healed.’

4) Ask for forgiveness – don’t take it for granted. ‘Will you please forgive me for what I did?’ We need to say it and the other person needs to hear it before healing and restoration can start. When we ask for forgiveness and it’s been granted, it acts as an agreement between both parties to ‘wipe the slate clean’ and rebuild trust. It affirms the commitment to move beyond the hurt and work towards a healthier relationship.

What Now?

Do you need to apologise to anyone? Go through the four points in the reading and ask God to help you work through each one as you make your apology.