As a teenager, I’d always known, on some level, that I had depression, but because I lived at home with my family, I often leaned on them for support. In 2005, when I left home for university, I suddenly realised I had nothing to fall back on and that’s when I started to become really unwell.
I struggled with everything at university, struggled with making friends, with the course I was studying, struggled with the accommodation and felt like I couldn’t fit in. I went home for the Easter break and I knew I couldn’t go on. I was so depressed, I was self-harming and I remember thinking to myself, ‘this is just not worth it…I can’t go on.’
I went through the house, and I decided I was going to end it all. Even as I was preparing to do this, there was this little voice in my head, ‘don’t do it…you can’t do it… you have to keep fighting.’ But I didn’t want to fight, I did not want to face another day of this terrible pain. I’ve always had the UCB Word For Today sent to me and I had this feeling that I should read it. I picked up the booklet (even though I didn’t want to) and saw the number for Prayerline. I had nowhere else to go, so I rang the number and although I didn’t tell the man exactly what was going on, I did tell him I was feeling really down. He was so kind and prayed for me, so I ended up telling him what I was trying to do and he said he would have to phone the police. The interesting thing is that as he prayed, I felt this love, this peace, this positivity just flow over me and by the time the police arrived, I didn’t even need them anymore. I honestly believe that if it wasn’t for this man’s prayers, I would not be alive today.
Today, I’m in a much better place in my life. I did have another experience of an extreme low later on, but I had my friends, pastor and church who prayed for me. It was like God was saying to me, ‘You survived this once before, you can do it again.’ Since that point, no matter what I go through, I am aware of God’s love for me. He loves me, He cares for me and He’s promised me He’ll never let me go.