| Do you have a hard time keeping friends? There's a reason! People give up on us when they don't feel valued. George and Mary Lou were celebrating their fiftieth wedding anniversary. A reporter asked George, 'What's your recipe for a long, happy marriage?' George explained that after the wedding his father-in-law handed him a package. Inside it was a gold watch that George still used. He showed it to the reporter. Across the face of the watch where he could see it a dozen times a day, were written the words, 'Say something nice to Mary Lou'. We all need that watch! In his book Blink, Malcolm Gladwell writes about a relationship expert who was able to predict the potential success of a couple's marriage based on their interaction with one another. What was it he looked for that indicated a marriage was headed for trouble? Contempt! If one treated the other with contempt the relationship was usually doomed to fail. Now, insincerity and flattery don't work. For a person to feel valued they must know you genuinely value them. To feel respected, they must know you genuinely respect them. When we devalue others we start treating them like objects, not people. So what is the solution? Focus on their strengths, and eventually they'll give you the right to help them in their areas of struggle. Too many of us are good at finding the value in an opportunity or a deal. We need to develop the same mindset when it comes to building relationships. |
